Shopping for Shoes

Mark and Dave are shopping for shoes, and this time it’s DANGEROUS...it’s with a BABY.

Mark calls Dave on the smart phone.

Mark: I need help, my feet look weird, I need new shoes.

Dave: Your feet are weird, new shoes won’t really help, and I’m a bit busy.

Mark: Well thanks for that, what do you mean busy, has mysterious girl turned up. What’s that weird noise, sound like an erupting volcano, been on the curry?

Dave: No, to both. Look where are you, and why do I need to leave my boring but enviable lifestyle, even for a while to help make your weird feet look less ugly.

Mark: Dave, I’m in Neil Street Covent Garden. It’s shoe shop heaven, there is a different shop selling shoes at every stride. And, I’m trying to find a triangular mirror that you look at your well shod foot in, like was around when we were kids and your mum used to take you twice a year to the Clarks shoe shop.

Dave: Once in the Easter holidays for new trainers, and the last week of the summer holidays to get your new black Clarks lace ups that you would scuff the toes off by scraping them like hell on the playground as soon as you got them.

Mark: Yep, then your dad used to try to make you polish them ... who uses shoe polish now?

Dave: The Army! So we are looking for a shoe shop that has a triangle mirror to make you feel happier about your ugly feet.

Mark: Thanks for that last comment, meet me as quick as...what was that?

Dave: You really do not want to know.

Shoe shopping, the facts: By me, Mark.

Neil Street is genuinely really good for shoes, as in one street alone you have Aldo, Office, Diesel, The Natural Shoe Company, Timberland, Camper, Doc Martin, sports shoe shops, Nike, and even if you are really desperate a shop devoted to CROCKS, which should be banned unless you work in the plaster room of your local hospital.

On Long Acre you also have Ecco, Ugg, Russell & Bromley, so enough to choose from, and that’s before you look at Ted Baker or Paul Smith. 

If you need serious shoes for running ,there is The London Marathon Store.(www.londonmarathonstore.com) The shop also sells other running stuff, including snacks and special sweeties for when you get knackered running and need an energy boost... good reason to run in the first place!

If  running really is your thing, then both shops have  excellent customer service with running machines to check your gait, so that your shoes actually do support knees, ankles and so on.

The other shoe shops, range from cheapish to expensive, and the customer service goes with what your willing to spend. Office is the usual ‘find a shoe... hang around... nowhere to sit... hop up and down on one leg whilst you try on the one shoe you can find in your size... wait for 5 minutes when you eventually get asked if you need help whilst they search for a shoe in your size in the colour you want. As boyz shoes are in general black or tan, how hard can this be? (www.office.co.uk) 

The Natural Shoe Store (www.thenaturalshoestore.com) were charming and really helpful, and for a less formal shoe, this is an interesting option you might want to try, though not my personal thing.

The Doc Martin shop window display put me off; I’m simply not hard enough. (www.dmartins.co.uk) 

Timberland sells the 4x4 of the shoe world. Big beefy soles on multi stitched panels that look good, and make you feel like you are about to depart on some huntin’ shootin’ fishin’ adventure. If you have a girlfriend that invites you to ‘meet the family on the Estate’ head for the nearest Timberland. (www.timberland.com) 

UGGs, um...great for the winter, even though Dave laughed at me in my UGG’s, just can’t quite get my head round why you would want sheep skinned lined flip flops. (www.UGGaustralia.co.uk)

For super comfort, try ECCO. Breathable technology and built in support. Not a huge choice but a great casual look. (www.ecco.com)


Russell & Bromley (AKA R&B to those in the know), know how to treat you well, and there I was, in the middle of trying on my 4^th pair of smart but casual shoes when Dave walked in with the small bundle of human volcanic eruptions AKA ‘VOM BABY’.

Mark: What’s that yellow stuff down your jumper, oh now on the carpet as well, and all over your hand.

Dave: Hang onto him a minute for me, whilst I grab some wipes.

Mark: Why have you brought vom baby shopping?

Dave: He needs to get the hang of shopping from an early age, so he doesn’t get the chance to turn into one of those blokes who uses the ‘can’t stand shopping’ as an excuse to go home and watch footie. I will be returning him to my sister as soon as she gets out of the Botox Clinic around the corner.

Mark:  In a year’s time then, or is that why he voms’, to get out of shopping.

Dave: No you Neanderthal, he is not just a baby. This is a total babe magnet. Look, whilst you sit here with him smiling at everyone, we have had a bevy of gorgeous people wiping up sick off the floor, another one cleaning my jumper, and watch out, someone is about to attack your upper thigh with another wet wipe. When did you last have someone attack your thigh with such abandon? Did you find the mirror?

Mark: No slanted mirror, but a good long, full-length mirror version of me was enough to convince me that I look ridiculous in shoes with pointy ends, (even thought I secretly lust over them).

And I will take these three pairs please.

Ah Dave, breathe deeply, they even smell like the country.

Dave: No, that’s VOM baby doing his other party trick..do you have a baby change please?

R&B (continued): actually, they did let us use the staff loo to change VOM baby, but we mustn’t tell anyone. Excellent customer service and they have a slanted mirror which was nearly as good as the ones in the old fashioned shoe shops, so you can get a better look at your foot from the side in your shoes. Dave’s final advice was, 'Nice Shoes, Shame About The Feet.' He also claims that Mysterious girl kept her shoes on in bed. I assume they weren’t her trainers. Clearly I need to start a new trend for men, or is that just a bit too weird?

Mark Bought these shoes:

If you enjoyed shopping with the boyz, then follow markanddavegoshopping, and watch out for more adventures, mad shopping trips with their bonkers family and friends, and keep an eye out for Mysterious Girl who may pop in now and again.
(Illustrations by Dylan Gibson).